During a time of personal ministry last year the Lord was dealing with my heart about the issue of validation—or to put it another way—the struggle with feeling “invalidated” at some level. As I sought during that period to understand more about what the Father was trying to reveal to me, a picture came to my mind, which I believe was from Him.
A PICTURE OF VALIDATION
The picture was of driving into a parking garage and receiving a ticket from the machine upon entering. Then, having had this ticket stamped or validated by a representative of the business I was visiting, I presented it to the attendant upon exiting the garage. As a result of having this validated ticket, I was “approved” and therefore I didn’t have to pay.
SEEKING TO BE VALID . . . “WILL YOU STAMP MY TICKET?”
I knew immediately what the Lord was showing me through this picture. You see, one of the struggles that I’ve had in my life has been to know that I am truly valid—that at the deepest part, “I’m OK.” This was particularly evident many years ago and although I never realized it at the time, I frequently had my “ticket” out and was always ready and hoping that someone would “validate my ticket” and thus make me feel that I was alright. It wasn’t until I came to be a believer in Christ that He began to work in these deeper areas and reveal the issue of “invalidation” and its power in my life. I am grateful for the depth of the work that God has done in this area over the years, yet during that personal ministry time last year, I believe He was continuing to reveal a deeper level of healing still needed. You see, as a result of the healing and my own awareness of this area, I no longer have a “ticket” ready and available to be stamped “validated.” Yet, He was showing me that I haven’t yet fully discarded that “ticket.” I have it “tucked away” and when the right circumstances exist (i.e. disappointments, perceived failures, etc.), I can still find that ticket and be tempted to hold it out for external validation. Through this revelation I was able to again submit that area of my heart to Him for more continued healing, and although that involved pain, I was and continue to be grateful.
OUR NEED TO BE VALID AND LEGITIMATE
At the most basic level, when something is “valid” it is “true.” In other words, it is what it has been stated to be. Another similar word that may be used in this context is the term “legitimate.” If something “does not measure up” or “meet established criteria” then we would say that it is “invalid” and “illegitimate.” At the core of who we are, we all desire to know that we are valid and legitimate. In other words, we want to know that our lives have purpose and meaning, and even deeper than this, that we are “authentic, real and true to whom we were created to be.” We want our personal character and the words and actions of our lives to reflect that reality. We want to feel certain about “who we really are” and live from that place, and when we do, we can rest. When we are unable to do this, we will strive and function from a place of unrest, with little “fruit of the Spirit” (Gal. 5:22-23). The truth of who we are and who we’ve been called to be—how we are “defined”—is established by God. When we know, in the deepest part of our being, that Father God sees us as truly His son or daughter that He delights in, the issue of our validity and legitimacy is settled. The difficulty comes, however, when those who have been called by God to accurately represent Him to us as children at an early age—that being our parents or primary caregivers—fail to do so. This then results in a significant deficit in knowing God’s truth about our validity and legitimacy and requires healing at a later time.
OUR RESPONSES TO INVALIDATION
We have worked with many men and women over the years that have struggled deeply with the issue of invalidation and the resultant lack of legitimacy. In some it may be evident through seeking affirmation and approval through others (“getting their ticket stamped”), yet in others it may manifest through a “hardened exterior” (walls) to try and make themselves and others believe that their “ticket has already been stamped.” However, the inability to experience a true and intimate relationship with Father God and others reveals the deeper presence of “invalidation” in this type of individual. Although this issue may manifest in different ways and can be a source of great pain, we continue to see Father God touch and heal this area in a powerful way.
PRAYER
I encourage you to read the following prayer that I wrote to God last year during this time of deeper revelation and healing, and if it is applicable to you, I invite you to pray with me . . .
Father, I need You. I need Your love to fill this hole in my soul and my need to be validated and understood. I am already validated in You and understood. I am legitimate in You. I am longing for my home in Your heart in a deeper way . . . where I can rest. . . where I am secure in Your validation of me. I take the “ticket” of my life . . . the one I received when I entered this world . . . and I bring it to You. Please stamp this ticket of my soul and once and for all bring validation to my presence here . . . to my existence . . . to my worth. As I receive this stamp of validation, help me to know that You paid the price for me so I don’t have to pay any more. Cause me to cease from trying to generate the emotional currency to pay for my existence here . . .to stop trying to validate myself. Your stamp of validation is enough. It would be foolish for me to also try and pay when You’ve already done it. Father, as I realize deeper in my heart this miracle of Your validation of me, send me out to help bring Your validation to others. And when I question again who I am in You . . . my validity as Your beloved son . . . help me to simply display the stamp You’ve placed on my soul . . . “VALIDATED . . . FEE PAID IN FULL . . . NOTHING DUE!”
From the Father's Heart,
Jerry Basel