When we counsel individuals and couples, we look for the "drivers"--those things that are underneath the behaviors that cause the problems they are experiencing. One of these drivers is toxic, lie-based shame. The problem with this type of shame is that it has different "faces" and often remains hidden. In fact, many people we counsel are surprised when they discover they have a great deal of shame.
Keeping shame hidden might seem like a good idea. You may be thinking, "Why would I want to go and find this?" The problem is that its effects do not remain hidden. It shows up in our lives in many ways--especially in our relationships--and can create quite a mess for ourselves and others.
Here are two short video clips where we take a look at different "faces" of toxic shame. If you sense that these describe you or someone you are close to, take a step further and read "Shame and the Lies We Believe," chapter 8 in our book, The Missing Commandment: Love Yourself.
Click on the videos below to view these two clips: