Whether we like it or not, the wounds from our parents direct future patterns and ways we relate to others, especially in our closest relationships. All of us grew up in homes with varying degrees of dysfunction. We have breaches, holes, and wounds in our hearts that we received from caregivers. Wounds from things that should not have occurred when we were children, and wounds from the lack of things we needed that we did not get. Some of these broken places have been passed on from generation to generation in families. What patterns do you see in yourself that have an origin in your childhood? Does it even matter? Yes! It unequivocally matters to the Father. He longs to repair our past and

If you want to forgive, love, and accept others, then you must be willing to forgive, love, and accept yourself. Recently, a young woman we were counseling wrote a letter of acceptance to her younger self—a little girl who was rejected by her parents and sexually abused by her brother. Maybe after you read her letter, you can ask the Father if there are any parts of yourself that you are not loving. Maybe it's time for all the children inside to come home and be one. Dear little me, As hard as I’ve tried, I can’t remember you. I look at photo albums and they paint a picture of you—of that sweet little face. I am now a mother and when I see those pictures I want to hold you. I want to know wh

This is a very powerful teaching that should not be missed. We asked a client who had been abused as a child to personalize the lyrics from “Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson. What she wrote is raw and hopeful at the same time. Note: We have also included links here to the music video, song lyrics, and “Letters from an Abused Daughter.” When you read the lyrics, think about all the walls, defenses, lies, and vows this little girl put up to protect herself from pain . . . and it’s those very same walls years later that are keeping her from a relationship with her husband and her own little girl. So powerful to see how the beat goes on—sometimes for generations. If you find this video clip to

Jerry and I normally pray God’s armor of defense and protection around us every day (see Eph. 6:10-17). Now here is where it may get tricky. What if when we pray we think we are putting God’s armor directly on us, when in fact we are placing it on top of our own self-protective shields? Check out the video clip below, and when you are ready, pray the following prayer: “Father, I need your help. I know I have developed ways to protect myself from pain, especially pain that started long ago. I invite you in to defend and protect me. I ask you to make me weak with a godly weakness so I can live from your strength. Lord, I ask you to make me defenseless in my own ability, such that you can truly

Our walls of protection that we learned growing up place our trust in our own power rather than in God to be our defense, our protection, and our strength. These self-built walls become fortified over the years and result in our hearts growing hardened or detached from God. The Lord asks us to love him with all of our heart (Luke 10:27). But we cannot fully give to him and receive from him until we allow him to take down our walls. Sometimes, emotions can turn into strong defense mechanisms. Anger is a perfect example. Anger is a crucial emotion, and although we can sin in the way we express it, anger in itself is not sinful (Ephesians 4:26). We see anger as a powerful pointer to underlying